How to treat a German woman the right way...
Posted in Germany forum 24 Sep 2008, 14:58
To me that's a really difficult question! It's always a bit harder to date somebody of another culture, but with German girls I just don't get along!
I know the 'traditional' dating rules, for example the guy has to pay everything - but in Germany I heard that some girls get offended by this because their independence is questioned.
Whatever you do, you do it wrong!
What did you experience? Girls are also welcome to join this discussion!
posted by in Germany forum 25 Sep 2008, 13:04
Hi Fernando! Dating a German woman is just like dating any other woman, you either impress her or you don't ;o)
Most women won't get offended if you pay the bill (though they don't expect you to do so). If they want to split bills, they'll just tell you. If you really meet a German woman that gets offended by your offer, you might want to ask yourself whether she isn't a little over-reactive in the first place ... ;o)
Another tip: Most German women are not very used to compliments (for example on how they look) - as German men suck at this! If you compliment them, they will probably not believe you - but enjoy it anyways!
posted by in Germany forum 26 Sep 2008, 07:47
hey Dora, thanks for your nice reply.
"Most German women are not very used to compliments"
Now that's really funny! What are the German guys doing out there?! :D I think making compliments is part of dating - and I hope the girls I went out with believed me when making compliments!
posted by in Germany forum 21 Oct 2008, 08:35
Well Fernando, let's be honest: Do you really tell the truth in all compliments? ;o) But as I said, even if you exaggerate a bit most German women will like your compliments anyways (.. and who would believe a man in the first case?).
posted by in Germany forum 22 Oct 2008, 10:56
Well Dora, this depends mostly on the girls ;)
Of course sometimes you make a compliment and don't mean it a 100%...but it's kind of a way to get a girl to like you...should I feel bad about that? :D
posted by in Germany forum 23 Oct 2008, 09:41
Fernando, if you ever come to Germany let me know...so I can warn my friends about you ;)
posted by in Germany forum 24 Oct 2008, 07:48
I really feel that they have great potential emotions....but mostly are just potential.
and all I can say they need real and pure emotions to get them out of the tough daily life ,not just by sweet words but they are really practical...........even in love.
and I like that in them
posted by in Germany forum 27 Oct 2008, 11:16
Hey Julia, I'm really not THAT bad! :P
You can't deny that most of you girls like all the compliments and would be a bit offended if a man wouldn't make any on the first dates...
posted by in Germany forum 28 Oct 2008, 10:38
posted by in Germany forum 28 Oct 2008, 10:42
Ahh, thanks for that advice, Mira, I have to bear that in mind on my next dates! ;)
Yes I know, it's a fine line between getting a girl to like you and making her to think of you as a real macho!
By the way, sentences like "I see my unborn children in your eyes" would (thankfully) never come to my mind xD
Did you really date some guys making such "compliments" to you?!?
posted by in Germany forum 29 Oct 2008, 10:29
No way xD And how did you react? And did you go out with that guy again? hehe
Well, I'm a young single guy, I don't expect my next date to be the woman I'll share my whole life with! ;)
Don't get me wrong, I don't have like 5 dates at one weekend only! I'm not that bad! :P (I already mentioned this, didn't I?!)
posted by in Germany forum 02 Nov 2008, 22:08
Thank you for all of the input and for asking the question! This topic is something I've been debating about for quite sometime.
I hope it is not brash for me to hope in and join Fernando in asking a question or two. I've noticed it to be taboo in some parts of the states to approach a random woman (I suppose random is not the correct term but I am not aware on how else to phrase some you've not met yet!); flirt with her and attempt to attain a first date in public areas, such as airports, train stations, and so on. Does that taboo apply in Germany?
Fernando, I've also never used a pickup line like that.. I suppose I am not suave enough to use pick that. haha
posted by in Germany forum 03 Nov 2008, 11:52
I think you'd better say "You're smart enough not to use that" ;)
In my experience, that taboo does not apply in Germany. I don't think German people would even care, if you met a person in a public place and start flirting with her...but that's only what I can say.
But I also never heard of this taboo...why is this so "strict" in the states??
posted by in Germany forum 03 Nov 2008, 14:25
It is nice to hear that you're smart enough not to use that pickup line.
Lack of taboo is often a refreshing thing.. In many places generally in the south and mid-west of the United States there is often an expected old style course that is followed.. And leaving that course is often frowned a pn.. Also, in the states we are pretty prude..ish So being approached by someone and being flirted with in public is frightening to many.
posted by in Germany forum 04 Nov 2008, 10:13
@Chase: Sorry if I couldn't express myself in English, I usually wanted to refer that sentence to you ;)
And I think Mira is right...but still I find it really strange that there's such a huge difference between some countries. As in Mexico for example, you'll find quite a lot guys piping after girls in public. Of course for most of the girls that's just annoying, but it's nothing what other people would care about.
posted by in Germany forum 06 Nov 2008, 23:42
just bear in mind that for instance Arabic (or Muslim) countries again have a completely different point of view. Seen from this perspective it very often is a religious (or just historic) background that drives nowadays expectations and written or unwritten laws of behaviour.
May be that is one of the things I am missing nowadays - and I do not mean you personally: the attempt to understand and respect other people's habits, customs and expectations. Such as "When in Rome, do like the Romans do." Something like that. I know that this is not easy... :-)
All the best and much luck for you public dates
posted by in Germany forum 07 Nov 2008, 10:15
yes I think you're absolutely right with the issue of religious/historic background.
Of course you have to adapt to the "codes" in a certain country, or you'll just make life harder for you there...that's at least what I think. Still there are lots of persons breaking theses codes on purpose to make themselves seem interesting or something...I don't know why.
@Mira: Is it just me or did you just make a COMPLIMENT to yourself? ;)) hehe
posted by in Germany forum 07 Nov 2008, 16:44
Well, I will join Mira in stating that German women are wonderful. I'm glad Martin mentioned the cultural differences. This is precisely why I asked my question. Its not necessarily randomly flirting with people.. I do actually know someone but I was not sure if it is taboo on how you meet someone. While we are on the subject of cultural differences.
Would someone like to fill my buddy Fernando and I in with specific German and European cultural differences that we may miss out on as it relates to dating? I suppose that is a better way of wording our questions.
posted by in Germany forum 09 Nov 2008, 22:54
I am glad you made this point: people who either simply ignore other customs/expectations/codes of conduct (through lack of knowledge, or even lack of interest in other countries customs) or they deliberately break codes.
To be honest, I though I might be just getting a bit old, but I have also noticed those behaviours. It appears to me as if some basic behavioural rules are negelected in more and more homes with children these days. Hence children do no longer learn to "respect others". I think we as a society are about to lose some basic rules of living together in peace. I will certainly miss those .... :-(
Regarding Miras comment: I agree, I understood it just like you suggested. ;-) Take it as "advertising for the German ladies". And we do have really good one's! :-)
All the best
posted by in Germany forum 10 Nov 2008, 12:00
Your post's very interesting, I'm waiting for more! ;)
I have to comment point 1 (if you ever come to México): If a friend invites you to his house for 1 PM, be there at 1.30 or even later. There's no chance he's ready at 1 PM.
I'm afraid I will never manage to be punctual when I come to Germany...I have to work on this ;)
A German friend of mine also told me about the issue you mentioned. Lots of children behave very disrespectful (even towards their parents, what I can't understand), either to make themselves get respected within their "clique" or for reasons I can't follow.
Very sad fact, though.