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German men

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I'm hearing lots of terrible stories about German men and their lack of romance. Is this true? Anybody got any "real-life experience"? :-)

  • Beatrice Knight

    german men

    posted by  Beatrice Knight in Germany forum 

    Hi Blizzy,
    I totally agree! So far I met only total jerks here! Does anybody actually know a decent German guy?????

  • Emilia Gomez

    german men - not so bad

    posted by  Emilia Gomez in Germany forum 

    I'm acutally in Germany because of one those jerks, so they're not as you might think ;o)

  • Blizzy Everhard

    german men - help!

    posted by  Blizzy Everhard in Germany forum 

    Does he have any friends???? You might want to introduce me...
    Just kidding...

  • Catalina Marquez

    german men

    posted by  Catalina Marquez in Germany forum 

    I'm signing up to! Guess you will get quite a few requests!

  • Manuela da Silva

    German men

    posted by  Manuela da Silva in Germany forum 

    Ladies - I just found this article on the internet and it describe the German male species very well ;O)

    Germans are an uptight breed and they have a rule for every occasion. When there aren't any rules to follow, they're happy to make up a few. If you're surrounded by Germans, you're likely to hear the phrase, "Noooo, it is not possible," repeated several times. Many things are impossible in Germany. It is impossible to change plans after they've been made, to make funny jokes, to smile at a stranger, to help an old lady across the street, to prop your feet on an empty seat in the train, and a variety of random things you normally wouldn't think twice about doing.

    Sometimes Germans make these "rules" just to argue with you. A German man thinks arguing is fun. Just argue back for a while and before you know it you'll have him laughing (maybe) and buying you a beer for being such a good sport.

    Perhaps the need to conform and follow rules stems from a German's childhood. In America, bullies pick on schoolboys, but in Germany, everyone picks on schoolboys - even the teachers who are supposed to rescue them. If a student doesn't behave exactly as his teacher wants, she'll have no problem humiliating him in front of the entire class. We knew a guy whose teacher laughed at him and called him a "lazy bitch" because he performed poorly on an exam. Ouch.

    Kids don't just get it from teachers either. They get it from every adult - even strangers. We watched a young boy round the corner on his bicycle. A woman came around the other way and they collided. After the little boy picked himself off the ground the woman began yelling, angry because he hadn't watched where he was going. There was a restaurant near the accident and a waiter and a couple customers intervened and yelled at the child as well - never mind the woman was just as much to blame. The poor kid rode away sniffling and the adults were smug.

    Did a German say he'll pick you up at 8? He meant 7:59 and 59 seconds and he expects you to be ready. German punctuality is extreme and fashionably late doesn't exist. Remember that attention to the clock is critical if you've got a dinner invite to your future in-laws' place.

    How to Meet Him

    If you're lucky enough to find a good-looking guy in Germany, we recommend approaching him first because Germans aren't the most brazen men. If you lack guts, you can easily manipulate the situation and give him a reason to approach you. For instance, crossing the street without the proper pedestrian green light will make him yell. And yelling can ignite a great conversation. Did you walk on the grass when the sign said not to? Oops. Did you get busted for not having a valid ticket when riding the trains? Oops again. Did you throw an aluminum can in the paper recycle bin, you little criminal? Be creative and find your own instigator. You'll find it surprisingly effortless to get your German man target riled and screaming at you. Just keep smiling and keep cool and before long you'll have a date Saturday night.

    Tips for the Date

    Remember that a ten minute grace period won't fare too well with your German date, so be on time to get off to a good start. We advise against asking any questions about your appearance because you may get harsh answers. In fact, you may get harsh answers without asking any questions. If he dislikes the clothes you're wearing, he'll tell you. If he thinks you look fat, he'll tell you. The same brutal honesty goes for questions directed at him. If you ask how he's doing, be prepared for an extensive discussion about his gastrointestinal problems the night before.

    The phrase "going Dutch" is a misnomer. "Going German" would have been more appropriate. Be sure to bring money because it's likely you'll be splitting the bill. Also, don't expect any romantic frills. There will be no door opening, no pulling your chair out, no letting you order first, no car door holding. You may even take public transportation to get wherever you're going. Germans aren't exactly suave daters.

    What You Should Know about Germany

    A German man will know many gory details about your country. In fact, he can probably name more American state capitals than the majority of Americans. He'll assume you know basic history (Everyone in his country does.), so to stop from coming across as a moron, try to fake your way around things you're unfamiliar with.

    Impressing His Mother

    You won't have to worry too much about impressing his mother because it's doubtful you'll meet her. If you end up getting a moment with Mom, it's unlikely he'll care about her opinion anyway.

    German Girl Competition

    German girls are as humorless as their male counterparts, so if you make a sarcastic comment or a joke you'll be the only one laughing. You won't even squeeze a polite smile out of her. What you will squeeze is an awkward silence or a request to explain why you're laughing. There's a lot lost if you have to explain why something is funny.

    Then there's the rudeness factor. Somehow an entire culture of parents neglected to teach their daughters how to be polite. We've held many doors open for German girls without a thank you or even a smile; most girls didn't acknowledge that we were holding the door. Yeah, bitch, I have a door in my hand because it's fun.

    On the other hand, if you happen to get to know a German girl well, scratch everything we said. A German girl can transform into a new person and warm up considerably. She'll be a friend until death if you can break through the ice princess exterior.

    When You Want Him to Go Away

    If you want to give a German guy the cold shoulder, good luck. If you think his sense of humor sucks, wait until you see his people reading skills. He's used to dealing with practical, direct Germans so he's not going to pick up on your desperate subtleties. If you pull the, "I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom" stunt, you'll find him waiting outside the ladies room. If you try the bathroom trick eight times in one night he'll think you have a small bladder. You've got to be direct.

    Direct can be hard for a sweet American girl who's afraid of hurting other people's feelings, but you need to learn. Just tell him you're not interested. If necessary, tell him again and again and again. Don't say: "I'm no good at long distance relationships, so I don't think this is possible." He'll try all night to convince you it's the only thing in Germany that is possible. No excuses, be direct.

    If you can't find it within yourself to tell him you're uninterested and you're trapped with a German pleading that you "make it work," try the bathroom excuse. When you come out and see him waiting for you, pretend not to know him. When he approaches, look very confused. In your choppiest English say, "I speak no German. I speak no English. I speak only Swahili." The instant he's thoroughly confused, make your break. Note that it's important to say Swahili. If you name any other language, Germans are likely to speak it or know someone who does. You don't want Wolfgang phoning his good friend Fritz to come translate all night.

  • Volker Bohmer


    posted by  Volker Bohmer in Germany forum 

    This article is really funny ;-)
    All stereotypes have some truth. Let me know if there is somebody who behaves like this - it must be a real laugh. Got to meet Wolfgang.

  • Nadine Santos

    Dating German men

    posted by  Nadine Santos in Germany forum 

    Hi everybody! I just found the following article on the web and think this might help some of the American ladies to deal with German men. Of course, if you come from South America or another more "emotional" place, things might be different ;o):

    For most people whose sweetheart is German, a foreigner, there are plenty of cultural nuances and minor difficulties resulting sometimes in an alienation. Why not try to avoid it?

    For the most part, you don't need to worry particularly about any major differences, mostly because gender roles here aren't significantly different from what they are in the States. For the most part, you can treat him pretty much like you would almost any Western man. For example, if you're the old-fashioned type, he's quite unlikely to complain if you expect him to pay for most of the dates; he'll probably half-expect it. But if you happen to be a supporter of women's rights (and the responsibilities that go along with that), feel free to pay for the dates sometimes or half the time. It might surprise him a bit, but he will most likely appreciate it, especially if he's on the pitifully low budget that most students are on. He'll probably try to pay the bill anyway, as Germans often fight each other for the "privilege" of paying the bills, but you can then secretly pay the next bill when HE's not looking. Or, if he's the real old-fashioned type, like some American men are, he might have the perverse response of thinking that his manhood's been insulted. But if he's as young as in his 20s, that's highly unlikely. So feel free to follow your normal instincts in this regard. If you feel unsure what his attitude might be about such things, feel free to ask him! Direct questions rarely offend Germans (assuming the question isn't too personal), and they're typically more than willing to give straight-forward answers.

    Germans and Americans have a few different standards regarding what constitutes "politeness". Americans tend to define politeness in terms of "friendliness": smiling, telling "white lies" to avoid hurting people's feelings, pretending to like people even if we don't, saying "Hi, how are you?" whether we really care how they are or not, etc. Germans, however, tend to consider "respect" to be the proper way to show "politeness", and "respect" assumes that the other person wants an honest answer, not some pretty little "white lie". So, if you're really wanting your ego stroked, DON'T ask him, "So, how d'you like my new dress?" You might not like the answer that he gives. Likewise, DON'T EVER say anything to him "just to be nice" if you don't really mean it; he is too likely to take you quite literally at your word and then be terribly hurt later when he finds out that you didn't really mean it.

    Don't try to make too much "chit chat" or "small talk" with him. Most Germans know little or nothing of the art of talking about banal, superficial topics as a way of "breaking the ice" with new acquaintances; that custom belongs to American-style "friendliness" and is not part of German "respect". Germans also often react negatively to the shallow, superficial quality of casual friendships/acquaintanceships in the U.S., and so he might react negatively towards you if you engage in much "light" conversation. If you're looking for good topics for conversation, try: politics, current events, philosophy, or any subject he's studying in school.

    Don't be afraid to voice opinions that might be different from his; if your opinion is at least logical, well-reasoned, and well-informed, he will more likely respect you for having your own mind, rather than be offended by you for having a different opinion.

    And if you DON'T know much about international politics, news, current events, foreign cultures, etc., then LEARN! FAST! Americans have an international reputation for being extremely ignorant about the rest of the world -- because most Americans ARE ignorant! Germans, however, usually are NOT!!!

  • Frank Wagner

    German men

    posted by  Frank Wagner in Germany forum 

    Ladies - your discussion really made me smile ;o). Are we really THAT bad???

  • Nadya Scott

    german men

    posted by  Nadya Scott in Germany forum 

    My boyfriend is german/swedish and he may not always be romantic, but he does kick in with some sweet moments. Very structured and OCD like. Most importantly he appricaites funtion. If it doesn't funtion correctly then he gets so irritated with it. He was born here but visits germany quite frequintly for extended stays. I love thease things about him because even though the romance is crap the rest tends to be more useful then a boquet of flowers.

  • Nadine Santos

    german men

    posted by  Nadine Santos in Germany forum 

    love your comment! even though the romance is crap the rest tends to be more useful then a boquet of flowers - you're right. in columbia you can find tons of romantic men, but you would not want to set your bets on them for a serious relationship ;o)

  • Qentin Briggs

    german men

    posted by  Qentin Briggs in Germany forum 

    after reading this discussion, i don't even want to know how american men are perceived ;o)

  • german men

    posted by Deleted user in Germany forum 

    HaHa- really funny ;)

  • Go to Li Lu's profile

    Nadine Santos made a really good point

    posted by  Li Lu in Germany forum 

    my boyfriend is German also, he is mostly as she said! PLUS, he is amazingly romantic, but, his friends always think we are crazy. Because I am more balcanic and temperamental, we are always creating hialrious situations. Me crazy and him practical, both romantic, it works great!

  • German man

    posted by Deleted user in Germany forum 

    I had a boyfriend in Germany, too, and although he'd rather jumped out of the window than describing himself as "romantic", he sometimes surprised me with this side of him.
    That's far better than guys who claim being sooo romantic just to win over a woman (not for a serious relationship, of course).

  • Martin Mzmann

    German men

    posted by  Martin Mzmann in Germany forum 

    Hi Blizzy,

    what a pity you live in Spain. :-)

    But you might be right - German men are not perceived to be Latin Lovers. However, that means "on average".

    Looking forward to further experiences from other ladies here.... :-)



  • German men

    posted by Deleted user in Germany forum 

    I think german men are regarding to the treatment of women: cold, unpolite and they don´t have any sense of romance in their structrured heads!

  • Go to Morten Grunwald's profile

    I think

    posted by  Morten Grunwald in Germany forum 

    In Germany, "individuality" counts most: People do not want to be "liked", they want to be respected. Germans as a rule tend to be afraid entering one anothers personal sphere. But thats the prerequisite for going anywhere in romance.
    So many good intentions and feelings a held back, lovers cannot find themselves as they are afraid of getting brushed of. So unfriedliness is just self-protection.
    Especially for men this is very humiliating. So I myself would rather have a nice evening out w/o getting in the sticky area of dating. Its just to difficult to be fun. Dating is not fun here, its work. Thats why I prefer to be single, so life is much easier and relaxed. I am 28 and gave up dating long time ago and I do not miss it at all. I just dont care anymore. Also, I never got approached by a woman who said "I think you are interesting, etc." so I just eradicated me from the dating market.

  • Go to Li Lu's profile

    What I think (an incurable romantic girl)

    posted by  Li Lu in Germany forum 

    First: Morten, your life must be fade without romance.
    Second: May be German men are not romantic because German women can not deal with romance? That's what my BF thinks.
    Third: Romance is not something happening on a date, or at first sight. It takes time for two people to get to know eachother, to find out what is romantic for your partner, and romance is only in a relationship. You just have it or not, otherwise you have to work hard on it. And the perception of romance is different from person to person. Romance is a just another Y in the equation of love. I think it is romantic to fix a bike in the garage with my partner for example. May be 3 persons out of 1000 think the same. I think is very romantic to bake pancakes while my BF filles&rolls them and explains me how photovoltaic panels work. The romance you have at a date (a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine) is more linked to the lifestyle of someone than to romance. What if the girl prefers beer to wine? Romance is not only flowers, romance is not pink. Romance is to enjoy doing something together.
    Last: Latino lovers a re romantic? I harldy agree with that. My most boring dates were with a latino guy. I hope he is an exception!

  • Erik C


    posted by  Erik C in Germany forum 

    I agree that a lot of Germans fit the stereo type of being a bit too organized and practical at times but that is not something that is universal. I think people are generally the same world wide despite a few small cultural differences we all want the same. We all want to be happy, loved ect.. Every woman should know that we men are pretty simple creatures. Food, sex, maybe some entertainment and we are good to go.:)

    I have also noticed some cultural differences like at work where back home you make friends at work with your coworkers here that is not always the case. In Frankfurt what I have noticed is that things are more formal than from what I am used to in Seattle area anyways. For example I don’t even know my neighbors here.


    Mine seems to be good so far

    posted by  SOFIA IMAS in Germany forum 

    Hey girls! I just met a german guy and im really having hopes to make things work out throughout the distance since im from Argentina. He seems to be very nice, loving and caring so far since he usually is in contact with me. But hmmm, now im kinna hesitating with what im reading over here. Still, i like him so much although im a little bit concerned about his loyalty to me, Does anybody knows here if men over there are faithful???

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