Posted in Germany forum
I'm hearing lots of terrible stories about German men and their lack of romance. Is this true? Anybody got any "real-life experience"? :-)
Foreign women in Germany
posted by Ulises Kahlo in Germany forum
There is a saying: Beware of women, who overpraise you! They might have something in mind! (above all women from Africa or Latin America) ;-)
Recently, much attention has been given to a story of a Romanian woman, who came to Germany, worked illicitly, got pregnant soon and sued the German government for social benefits, because she has been in a state of emergency.
So don't worry Andreea, you don't have to start from zero. Pregnancy in Germany is an excellent life policy.
However, is this how women are?
This whole thread is a fake: Blizzy Everhard was a stuff member and she just wanted to make people talk with a lurid topic.
:))
posted by Andreea Maria in Germany forum
Well girls, I guess finally found out what kind of man is he. I didnt had time to write here, lots of things happened. I got pregnant... At the begging he was ok about it, we were looking for a house to move in together...he was absolutely amazing with me, and I like a stupid hoped, dreamed about a family. He changed his mind quick so he left me. Not before asking me to have an abortion. So since June I don't know anything about him...I guess already he has somebody else. And me having to start all from 0, alone and pregnant! That was my German manm
German Men
posted by Gladys Shanna in Germany forum
According to my experience, i totally disagree.
Maybe people who are saying that just find luck in them.
Juliet and Andreea
posted by Heather Noble in Germany forum
I KNOW you can't change them. My Dad is German and that is that. I saw him fight with my American mother for years and years. You know, I guess after dating other men, you have to decide what is important. For me, I'd rather have a man who shows me. Words are cheap. And I find, as far as affection, he's growing accustomed to my more warm ways...I've asked him plainly to cuddle me and kiss me more. When he leaves the house, he now kisses me goodbye...he didn't used to. Now I think he looks forward to it. I honestly don't think most German women aren't THAT affectionate, some are, sure, but I rarely see it even in my own family. Like I said, I'd rather have a man who shows it in his daily life....I don't need to hear I love you...but I need to feel important. I think it helps if the man is older. They say, in general, men settle down when they get tired of dating and the singles scene. I think tha't strue, in which case, Andreea, your man might be on the cusp there. I generally find that although they are not lavish with their praise, i don't believe H. has ever called me pretty....he sure steps it up when it comes to demonstrating things. I have to agree with Juliet...I think maybe a little less availability may work in your favor. Even as serious as they are, young German men will probably try to get away with things they know they shouldn't. If he gets the feeling you aren't waiting around for him to make an appearance for you to go out, have fun, go out with friends, take yourself to dinner and meet with friends or a movie afterward, he may think, hmmmmmm, I wonder if I'm that valuable to her? I do think clingy women turn this breed of man off, so, if you feel even a little bit taken for granted, don't whine about it, change it. Start going out with people who LOVE that you make time for them, even if it's just your girlfriends. If he asks you what's changed, be honest...you're waiting for the proposal, right? Tell him you get the feeling that you're waiting around for him to make you a priority in his life, don't be accusatory, just shrug and say I don't like the way it feels so I decided to change some things and I feel so much better now. It might just snap him to action. I hate to say it, but I read somewhere recently that 78 percent of all women coming out of the marriage bureau have prompted their man to give the proposal. You don't have to blackmail, but I do think he needs to feel you aren't waiting around and won't be taken for granted. Mostly men will seal the deal if they want to keep you around (and if they're grown up). Hon, if he's not, think of all the fun you can have without worrying about this sh*t. Good luck...check back in. You know, there might be a couple of resources you can check out: Michael Fiore's Cracking the Man Code MP3 (free) and Steve Harvey's Act LIke a Woman, Think LIke a Man. I truly believe these are both good books and give you insight into the male psyche. We'd like to think they are so complicated but in fact, they aren't. They just think differently and they have a much smaller emotional range. Fiore's books give awesome pointers for communicating with your guy...even a German. Give it a try and let me know what you think of those resources. IF you need copies or other resources to help you 'get it' without worrying incessantly, you can write [...]. Be happy to send you what I know about. Best, Heather
Juliet
posted by Andreea Maria in Germany forum
I understand you perfectly,wish I could be the woman able to change him.,..
Heather
posted by Andreea Maria in Germany forum
Darling thank you so much for your answer! We are both young, in September he turns 29 and I turn 25.
I know he dosent want to marry or have children for now...and I expect him to leave one day without looking back, but it is really hard to give up on him.
he can be very caring when we are together, and the most close to a declaration he told me that he can't say he dosent love me....Andreea Marie
posted by Heather Noble in Germany forum
Hey, I thought I'd write because you are the most recent post on here. I guess you two are young. Germans are late to marry and settle down. I think you're guy isn't that into you. Not because you aren't wonderful; because he's young. I wonder how old you two are. I think most German men get to a point, like women do much earlier, where they are tired of singles scene and bars. That's when they start really really being interested in a long term relationship. If you want his respect hon, you have to be strong, and state what you want, and tell him what you find confusing with his behavior. And if he doesn't respond in a way that makes you happy, you need to tell him exactly that and tell him you are looking for 'more.' I have found more than one German man is clueless about the inner emotional life of women. Because they don't experience emotion the way we do, they don't understand our needs and wants. So be clear and spell it out. If he cares, he will totally make the effort. If he doesn't, don't waste your time. For example, what direction did he want? Why is he cold? What does he expect you to do when he is withholding sex or emotion? No, he is not going to say the things you would expect; he doesn't even t think them. But you need to ask him,, preferably during an activity together, or after sex, what he sees for you guys down the road. that is the best indicator. You cannot expect him to be a woman or to be touchy feely. German men are barely in touch with their own emotions, but that doesn't mean they can't love deeply. The ones I have known have been absolutely devastated when their women leave them, maybe they don't say it, but they don't function well, and functioning is everything. I think communication about this, especially when there is a cultural barrier, is particularly important, and to be honest, German men appreciate some pointers, if they really want a girlfriend, partner or wife. Good luck, please report back in.
Hey
posted by Andreea Maria in Germany forum
I am in a relationship with a german man since november, but is really hard to understand him.
We met online, we are both living in England and met after 3 weeks of long chat via whatsapp or skype. I guess I was in love with him evan before we met, he was so funny and smart and considerate. He drove 120 miles just to meet me and on those 2 first days together he was the moat amazing man I have ever dated, took me out for dinner, we drove to the sea side just for cuple of hours, he was holding my hand while driving, kissed me all the time...
I don't know if my mistake was that I let him know my feelings for him, but after we decided to get involved more seriously everything changed. We broke up after 1 month because he tought the things between us are not going in the direction that we wanted, and he did it by pushing me away, being cold.
He went to Germany for Christmas and after 1 week of not talking he started chatting with me again, we agreed to be friends but when I told him I will try dating another man he just told me one night that he loved me and then decided to try things again.
The first thing he did after landing back from Germany was driving again 120 miles to see me, and he started again to be caring and adorable.
I moved with my job and life closer to him so we didn't had to face the long distance relationship but things changed again, he said he dosen't know what feelings he has for me, but he likes to be with me, I was expecting to see him more often but he only would come once a week around.
We broke up again for few days because he said he thinks he is not the man I want...got back together and I decided to give him more space.
It is hard for me, I am a latin, I really know what I want and I really love him. But it is hard to let go as well.
He might be cold and insensitive, but he has that "I don't know what" that makes me crazy about him.
He dosen't say I miss you, he dosen't say ' hey babe, come over, I want to be with you tonight' , I have to be the one makes those steps.
So I don't know, they are not what a warm hearted woman wants, but they can really make you love them without knowing why.
finding a boyfreind
posted by Sara HA in Germany forum
It's already seven months I'm in Germany and actually I couldnt find a boyfriend to stay with. I never had this problem before in any other countries.
First in Germany, the only place you can find a boyfriend is Uni, night clubs, or private partys.
Second for example in a party or sth, they never come to you. They might look at you but they dont dare to come and start a convesation. Accoding to my experiences, ones who come are mostly jerks. It seems good ones never come to you!! That's therrible.
Third if in any case you start a conversation and they DARE to ask for your number, they dont call you! For me, I always think ther are not interested but my German girlfriends say that a girl should call first!!
Four even if you call and everything is Ok, it takes toooooo long so sth happen. It takes weeks so you can date for the first time. They dont call, they dont text, they do nothing!
2 weeks ago I met one German guy whom I thought is a little bit different. I liked him. Unlike other German guys i've met, he was funny! he laughed! and he was not boring like others and I thought he liked me too... I mean he acted in a way that I had this feeling. And he told me things like "You are so cute." "You are really beautiful" and so on. He had my number but he never called. According to what my friends here always say, I texted him twice and he replied very well... very interested, but after that, again nothing happened! I havent received any call from him and I thought it is not nice anymore that I send a message again. He should do sth now. But nothing! I'm really confused and bored. I never had problem for finding a boyfriend and now it looks like sth impossible.
German Men
posted by Tatia Silagava in Germany forum
Oh come on people! I have a lot of German friends and they're really nice and sweet. They're also gentlemen. And they're not as moody and non talkative as u say.. Why do u expect a guy to just come up to you in the street and start a conversation? U say it's unpolite not to do that, not to smile at women in the streets and stuff.. but ur wrong, I would feel very offended if some stranger came to me and just started talking and giving me compliments. I think Germans are very polite this way.. : )) It's not nice to go to someone and tell them they're adorable and ur amazed by them :D lol and I don't think Latino lovers are romantic.. ))