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German men

Posted in Germany forum

I'm hearing lots of terrible stories about German men and their lack of romance. Is this true? Anybody got any "real-life experience"? :-)

  • Laurie Perkins

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    Although indeed there are some cultural differences between Americans and Germans. I would pick a German man over an American man any day of the week. Although, also to win their true affections may take a while to do. I would much rather have a guy that says it like it is and means what he says, than a guy who says always all the pretty stuff and never means a word of it.

    I have noticed that German men are not big on compliments (for the most part) So after striving for hours to look sexy and cute you may just render a slight recognition like, "you look nice" :-) In the beginning my first reaction was to say something like, "are you kidding, nice????" But over time I see this is not exactly a bad comment, conservative for sure, but so is the German ( in general). I have met some German men that were great at conversation and actually have the art of flirting down very well...but beware, if you find one this way, there maybe a good reason why he is so good at it....and proceed with caution! But this can hold true for all men and not just Germans.

  • Go to sophia bell's profile

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    I need some advice about a first date I had recently, it went really well, good chemistry, mutual attraction, lots of affection demonstrated, he kept smiling at me when I was'nt even looking at him
    But when I asked him if we would have a second date he said that was a blunt question (he is German so don't know if that is correct etiquette) next day he sent me text sending me big hugs and continued throughout the day to banter on text - I did not hear from him for about 3 days and that was at my initiating, I sent very light email saying I returned home, hoped all was well, he responded by email, left messages on both my home phone and mobile, phoned me the next morning, continued banter throughout the day again by text -but still no questions re when am I next in town!!!!!!!!!! When can I see you again!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really confused by his behaviour, I'm assuming he is seeing other people, we live quite a distance from each other however he has'nt commited to even suggesting we meet half way etc.,

    Can you help me to try to deal with this situation, as I really, really liked him, was attracted to him immediately and I felt he was experiencing the same feelings - is it because he is german or just not interested in me ??

  • posted by  in Germany forum 

    Well I came from Australia for my German girlfreind and she said I was "too romantic and too nice". I think she is maybe used to guys holding back their emotional feelings. For me. I love to express myself and tell a girl exactly how I feel in the moment. I never hold back. I don't think it matters what country you come from though. every person is different. I Australia, everything is so relaxed and easy going. I have never had a girl call me "too nice" before. Maybe I gave her too much. Ah well. Gotta find the right one!

  • Nico Der Zauberer

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    If you are a romantic man, a lot of people in germany will call you a "Träumerle" - a dreaming boy. A lot of people in Germany think, Romantic persons are persons of yesterday and not a modern human being and forget the real life - or only want sex.

  • Ms Arni

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    Romanticism, I think it just about personal touch and the way a person describe "romantic" it self. I dunno about another guy and I can't generalize every German guy, but all I know about my German guy that he is cold guy outside and warm guy inside. Well maybe for some peoples he isn't romantic one, but for me what he did was so sweet and romantic.

  • Go to L. A.'s profile

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    I can't say whether most of german men are romantic or not, haven't met that many in my young life but all I can say is that the german men I've known and the ones i've been in a sort of relationship with have, for sure, a sweet personality behind their apparence.
    Maybe to a woman like me it might be a little bit hard to reach their inner side, either because they are just uninterested in having you that close or because they have a wall all around them which is difficult to cross... but we can say this it's common to 80% of human population, can't we?

    When it comes to romanticism though I can clearly recall 2 german acquaintances of mine, a nice couple, arguing about Valentine's day.
    He was very excited at the idea of celebrating it but she made clear in front of everyone that they weren't going to celebrate anything (her own words), he seemed quite disappointed and didn't reply back... I thought it was really nice of him wanting to do something with her in that day or just receive/give a present as a thought but, who knows why, she couldn't stand it and acted so harshly (for the sake of clarity I have to say she is generally a real sweetie pie).
    I myself am one of those people who don't celebrate Valentine's day but it's difficult not to be touched by your sweetheart if he expresses such a tender little and simple desire as celebrating Valentine's day, after all it's not such a big deal and if it makes him feel happy why not? And I've to admit it touched me a lot to see that "macho"and most of the time "cold guy" ask for that. It did indeed, so when I looked at his face, his gaze down at his shoes and in that silence, I couldn't help feeling sad, terribly sad for him.
    That moment is still stuck in my mind but probably it was more relevant to me than it was to him, maybe he, as a man, doesn't really care about what happened and neither remember it.

    The point is it might be that if some men are unable to show romanticism maybe it depends on the fact that in their lives they have never had the chance to show their deepest feelings (either with their own family/girlfriend or on a day everyone has officially an excuse to say and do silly, adolescent things, as in the case of my friend), so eventually these guys grow up as sweet persons with little ability to show their sweetness, let's not talk about being romantic.
    Sometimes people have just to learn how to show what they feel or they have to have the possibility to do it... and unfortunately sometimes other people, or society they are in, prevent them from it.
    Just my mere point of view, of course not the universal truth!

    Anyway it's not such a big deal if the guy is not a Romeo!
    The problem for women is to understand the german man they are talking to, the one who fits in the stereotype (and they -sigh- do exist).
    If you (as a woman) have been taught that a man shows interest through nice actions and words then of course you get quite confused by the guy who you are dating or simply trying to get close to if he barely says a nice word, make a compliment and treats you as much kindly as the other women.
    What I mean is that it can be discouraging and difficult for a woman to get closer to a man who is like a Sudoku and it's all up to you to make match the numbers in that friendship/relationship.

    Here on this forum we say that generally men from Germany are straightforward and when-if they say or do something they really mean it.
    Well, a part from the fact that it takes forever before they say or do something... let's not forget that men are men, they are out of the same mould so... if they say something deep either they are drunk or they are going to pretend they never did/ they don't remember/it was a slip of the tongue/ they were having one of their ups and downs moments. Ha, men! (just joking, don't get angry)

  • Go to Ed McGowan's profile

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    Well when I read some comments it turns my stomach, full of bias and prejudice, people especially in Germany are so different and there are so many mentalities, one has just to be open, I worked in different countries in the last few years and the majority of people I met where nice and friendly.

  • Stefan Soso

    posted by  in Germany forum 

    It´s quite funny to read about the impressions people around have of germans. I think german men are very romantic and so scared of emotions (male after all) that they kind of forgot.There´s a saying here that loosely translated comes down to: "To have more in the shop than in the window." . German men are not very big in exagerating. It´s really like one of the earlier Posters said, it´s like german men only say things a lie-detector could check afterwards. And you can be sure that their statements will hold.
    Maybe this is the reason why it might be a bit difficult to get to know germans and compliments tend to be on the rare side. It can be very confusing living in germany.
    We (germans) are today brought up with strong humanitarian ideals. Our education takes a lot of references to the antique period and open discussion practiced in ancient greece and rome. Freedom of speech is regarded highly but although frowned upon. Our grandparents have experienced the 2nd world war and in those times differing opinions could be very harmfull. And this is the way we were brought up. Today we have a lot of memorials keeping the memory of he holocaust but I think even today it is hard for germans to think about what happened. Even if our generation wasn´t part of that scheme. If you grow up knowing what people are able to do it becomes a second nature to secondguess yourself. And since you would like to get life right for yourself you just don´t mess around.
    Because you know that your actions have consequences.
    And this might be why we might not seem overly openminded.
    And thus the easiest way to deal with german people:
    Talk to them. Having been pretty much a loner myself it took me a while to figure that german people just wait to get contacted. If you wait for an approach you´re lost. Saying is that the mentality in germany depends pretty much on the location. While people in cologne are supposed to be more superficial and easy to talk to Franconians in the Nuremberg-Area tend to seem pretty secluded. When I went to a bar after coming to Nuremberg I thought somebody had did until the owner of the bar reassured me that it was always like this. Unfortunatley you just don´t have to give people a chance in germany, sometimes it seems you have to hammer it in.
    And now the fun part.If you established contact ;-) it is not likely that this contact will cease. Although society in germany tends to be more superficial now than 20years ago there remains one fact: Even the most evil ;-) german person will listen if you have a problem. He or she might not react but has listened and understood.
    It´s a bit like in japanese culture where keeping the face is very important - in germany it´s "What will my neighbours think?".
    And now the dangerous part: We germans tend to be easily intimidated(history etc.). And we are used to cary heavy shit(histoty etc.). So how do we deal with it. Basically either the american way - too complicated, let´s drop it - or the german way: let´s eat and drink and forget our troubles digesting. We sure have a lot of people eating and drinking because of minor depressions.
    And to alot of germans the outside world seems to be a hostile place where you always have to stay enGarde.
    But we were raised with values, although those values seem to slowly deteriorate.
    One of the earlier posts in this discussion really got me thinking. It was about helping elderly people across the street. As a matter of fact I actually watched less social helpfullness the last years. I´m bragging on quite a high level but the standards here used to be pretty high. It became less that people thank the person at the cash register in shops and holding the door open for the elderly and women now does not seem compulsive anymore. After womens lib´ I wound´nt deem it necessary although but for the elderly?We seem to get the same problem as it seems to manifest in the US that people mind their own business and don´t interfere in social emergencies. If you pass an emergency in your car(the german holy shrine) it might as well not have happened. And still we have the people who get out. And I wouldn´t be surprised that the percentage of people who act would be the same as in any other place on this planet. Let´s talk about german me as long this thread exists without being concluded in a global discussion ;-)
    In any culture you will feel pleased to get to know the parents of your future something;-) And it never is a lighthearted step to take. Work in germanxy used to be pretty commiting but today we start to get the feel of "jobs". We recognised that you will not stay with one company all your life and were sad. We recognised you might not stay with one partner all your life. We made the best of it. I really do know a lot of people that are on friendly terms with their Exes. And it stays at friendly. If you have trouble in a partnership or in in a friendship it is in fact highly unlikely that you will loose touch. Be it that you are scared to loose face or whatever - you work it out by yourself and by the time you are over it you will be able to forgive and forget. <>
    Since we are pretty introverted it is regarde very highly to be confronted. As long as you mean what you say you are fine. Romanticism might come as kind of a dangerous asset and german people might shy away from it because it makes them loose control(which might be experienced scary). But it´s not the control of the state over the individuals anymore but the control of the individual about oneself.
    And this is why we don´t make compliments. Because wit every compliment we make (and we mean) we open ourselves to influences beyond our grasp. This we experience as delightfull as scary. Because a word is a word which might be a rose.

  • Georg Rosenmann


    posted by  Georg Rosenmann in Germany forum 

    Hello all,
    nice to hear from You.Very interesting to read your opinions about german men. And I´m sorry that some of You were disappointed with some german men. But please don´t make the mistake to draw conclusions on the germans cultures. Yes especially among younger peoples they might be some social trends to act a bit unromantic. But I´m the opinion that the german culture is pretty romantic.
    I just want to mention that the artistic, literary and intellectual movement of Romanticism have emerged in Germany.
    Would be great to read Your opinion.

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