• Heather Noble

    Juliet and Andreea

    posted by  Heather Noble in Germany forum 

    I KNOW you can't change them. My Dad is German and that is that. I saw him fight with my American mother for years and years. You know, I guess after dating other men, you have to decide what is important. For me, I'd rather have a man who shows me. Words are cheap. And I find, as far as affection, he's growing accustomed to my more warm ways...I've asked him plainly to cuddle me and kiss me more. When he leaves the house, he now kisses me goodbye...he didn't used to. Now I think he looks forward to it. I honestly don't think most German women aren't THAT affectionate, some are, sure, but I rarely see it even in my own family. Like I said, I'd rather have a man who shows it in his daily life....I don't need to hear I love you...but I need to feel important. I think it helps if the man is older. They say, in general, men settle down when they get tired of dating and the singles scene. I think tha't strue, in which case, Andreea, your man might be on the cusp there. I generally find that although they are not lavish with their praise, i don't believe H. has ever called me pretty....he sure steps it up when it comes to demonstrating things. I have to agree with Juliet...I think maybe a little less availability may work in your favor. Even as serious as they are, young German men will probably try to get away with things they know they shouldn't. If he gets the feeling you aren't waiting around for him to make an appearance for you to go out, have fun, go out with friends, take yourself to dinner and meet with friends or a movie afterward, he may think, hmmmmmm, I wonder if I'm that valuable to her? I do think clingy women turn this breed of man off, so, if you feel even a little bit taken for granted, don't whine about it, change it. Start going out with people who LOVE that you make time for them, even if it's just your girlfriends. If he asks you what's changed, be honest...you're waiting for the proposal, right? Tell him you get the feeling that you're waiting around for him to make you a priority in his life, don't be accusatory, just shrug and say I don't like the way it feels so I decided to change some things and I feel so much better now. It might just snap him to action. I hate to say it, but I read somewhere recently that 78 percent of all women coming out of the marriage bureau have prompted their man to give the proposal. You don't have to blackmail, but I do think he needs to feel you aren't waiting around and won't be taken for granted. Mostly men will seal the deal if they want to keep you around (and if they're grown up). Hon, if he's not, think of all the fun you can have without worrying about this sh*t. Good luck...check back in. You know, there might be a couple of resources you can check out: Michael Fiore's Cracking the Man Code MP3 (free) and Steve Harvey's Act LIke a Woman, Think LIke a Man. I truly believe these are both good books and give you insight into the male psyche. We'd like to think they are so complicated but in fact, they aren't. They just think differently and they have a much smaller emotional range. Fiore's books give awesome pointers for communicating with your guy...even a German. Give it a try and let me know what you think of those resources. IF you need copies or other resources to help you 'get it' without worrying incessantly, you can write [...]. Be happy to send you what I know about. Best, Heather

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