Posted in Netherlands forum
Share your opinions, thoughts please.
I came to NL to be with my Dutch bf.
He has been living in a shared appartment.
But since to live with me, he bought a house and got mortgage from a bank.
But he had said it's wasting money to spend on paying rent, so better get a house.
And just my thought; he was gonna buy a house anyway in the future, but just now because I came now.
He has to pay 330euro every month for 30years to the bank.
I don't have a job here yet but as I get a residence permit I will be legally able to get a job. But Im not sure if I can get a decent job with a decent payment though.
But sure I think its fair to pay some to him every month.
He wants me to pay the half of rent + half of untility fee which is 320 euro every month.
sure, he doesnt need to pay the half of rent since it is his home.
And he's asking for paying it when I get a job here.
And now he has been paying EVERTYTHING since I got here.
But the thing is..
even if I live there with him for 30years (if we will be still together) and I pay rent for 30years, I wont get any share of the house. Do you think it is fair??
We are partners.. not housemates or something.
And if we stayed like 5 or 10 years, I have been paying rent but I will get out with nothing at the end.
Well, from his view, because that was rent, rent money is just gone, thats what rent is.
(Well, but we agreed to try NL for 1 year(1year starts when I get a real job here) and then try 1 year in my country and then decide where to settle. So.. well, kinda complicated?!!
So it will be.. just for 1 year to pay rent, not a big deal, can think that way too but.. I dont know.
It's more..about his thinking way and how see things, his values.. you know what I mean)
As I pay him 320 euro every month, means he will need to spend only 10euro more for paying back to the bank + half of utility fee.
Does't that sound/mean I contribute for his finance or something?
Sure.. Im willing to pay for untility fee, like half.
But rent fee? Is that weird or unfair if I expect I will pay rent for 30years then I want half share of the house / if I wont get any share of the house then I wont pay rent but only utility fee. Is that sounds unfair in common sense??
1. we are unregistered partners.
2. He is someone who thinks marraige is unneccesary and stupid. (well he says he wont marry in foreseeable future. but might marry in the future. But I decided to think he will never marry, because of how he think of marraige. Yes, for him, its chaining to someone, why do it? Let's stay because we are happy together, we are unhappy? then let's leave, why make it complicated and difficult when we want to leave each other? But yes he will just give effort as much as when its hard time just as much as he's married or something. He's not married doesnt mean he will not work hard to keep the relationship)
3. He said once before he won't share or open anything in financial stuff with a wife even if he's married.
So it's what he says.
We have our own account and sharing account.
We get salary in our own account and we put some money for sharing payment-such as house bill in our sharing account. So that money will cover house bill, household stuff.
And money in our own personal account just stay as our own money.
But then for the house... we shared the fee, but the house will just be all his.
I don't like that, then for me what fair is, I will not pay rent but only half of untility fee, then just have your house allllllll yoursssss.
Sure, well if he lost a job I pay everything, if I lost a job he pays everything,
Supporting.. like he is just paying everything now for me since I came here.
But his point is, when I get a job pay rent. but its not contributing to the house or mortgage, just something I have to live in someone's home..
What do you think?
What is fair and what's not?!
----if it's too long to read, ok to read until here or you can read below more for just knowing my thoughts more!!----
But what he says fair is that, If I want the half share, I must pay the half of house price AT ONCE now or later when I can, then I wont need to pay rent since then either.
But I cant get loan here or dont have that much money now, so thats the problem, then I have to rent cant buy a house.
So then, save money like +300euro every month for 10 years then it will become 35000euro which is the half price of the house and "pay him 35000euro at once" in 10years, then I get half sahre of the house, but of course for the 10years I have to pay rent to him.
And he says he is the one who got loan, who has debt, who takes risk so he should be the one who get benefit.
And that I want half share of the house just because I pay rent for 30years, that is unfair for him. That is I only want benefit but no risk.
For him it doesn't sound I contribute to pay for mortage that I pay rent.
It's just a thing I have to pay since I live in someone else'e house. "of course pay me rent ! why wanna live for free??"
Is that normal/common sense, thinking for a Dutch guy?
You bought a house, got mortage, living with a gf, ask for rent (exactly as much as mortage monthly fee)?
And one more question ;
Living together as unregistered partner more thant 6 months, is that fact will be like same as marraige legally? so like.. if I did pay rent and stuff years, months and prove that I kind of contributed for the house. I can get some right for the house.. and stuff, like when people get divorce. can be protected legally or something, you know..
But if we agreed we wont share any property, then.. I will just have to get out/be kicked out with nothing?? right?? is that so?
posted by in Netherlands forum
Honestly I'm quite shocked and the first thing that pops in my mind is "Leave the guy!".
No I do not think it's fair to ask you for that and not give you any share of the posesions. After all, are you in a relationship or just housemates.
The idea about not getting married is I guess quite common. My boyfriend thinks the same way, but luckily so do I. We don't see how getting married would be needed for two of us. But the moment I'm gonna get fulltime job with reasonable salary, we're gonna open a bank account together. Now as I have only some small bijbanen would be quite difficult for me to pay rent, so he doen't expect that from me. I contribute with paying for our food, taking care for the house and sharing some bills. It's what we call a relationship: helping eachother, supporting eachother, trust and commitment. Sharing the financial resposibilities is a part of a healthy relationship I think. I seems like if he doesn't EVER want to share it with you, he doesn't want to take you fully serious and take the responsibility for being IN A RELATION. Can he really imagine living together for 30 years and not sharing stuff with you (unless you pay your half at once)?
I'd say it's not Dutch. It's weird. It's a single guy's attitude.
Unregistered partnership never gives you same rights as marraige. You have some rights, but not a full packet.