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    The Swiss and their friends

    pubblicato da  Roger B in Svizzera forum  

    Hi Cannuck,

    Well, when I read through your post, I actually was not all that surprised that you encounter difficulties making friends in Switzerland. Truth to be told, this situation does not just apply to foreigners but also to us Swiss. In my opinion, we Swiss are rather a reserved, sceptical people. The following I don't right to try to refute you opinion. It's your opinion and you are entiteld to it. I just want to point out some peculiar things about the Swiss.

    Usually it's hard to really get to know people in Switzerland. You mention that most our friends hail from school or village, well, have you ever thought about why this is? I believe that one reason is that you are fairly long together in school and get to know each other quite well (and bonding is easier for children). As for number of friends, I'd say most Swiss don't have too many "real" friends, people with whom they talk personal stuff. Usually what you'd have is the type of rather shallow friendships you describe. That's not to say that Swiss can't make any "true" friends after their childhood, not at all, many Swiss find some of their "soulmates" later on, but usually the best friends really are those you've know for a long time (I doubt that this is any different in other countries).

    It's in my opinion also quite normal that one has to put a big effort into making friends in Switzerland. However, I think that's also due to a certain character trait of the Swiss... being reserved. This reservation does not necessarily hail from distrust, contempt or anything, it's more a sign of not wanting to bother someone too much. In a rather crooked way it's the desire not to step on someone's foot. That the Swiss have a propensity for this you can hear if you talk with them about other nationals, such as the Germans. Most of the time what you get to hear are complaints that they are too direct, too pushy and don't respect the Swiss culture. I'm not saying this is true, but I think the sole fact that people mention this tells you something about how deeply entrenched this reflex for cherishing a hands-off approach is. However, I still believe that as a foreigner you have a certain advantage you could use for making friends. Most of the Swiss I know are quite open about foreigners (except for certain kinds, but I guess that's been discussed already and I'll shortly get to that) but are too shy or reserved to come forward (for instance, they think their English isn't good enough for communication or don't want to come forward as artificial).

    I also think the situation I described can easily lead to the impression that we don't like foreigners. But that is certainly something that I can't observe. I work in a very international company, with people from different countries (granted, most of them are Westerners). None of them have, even after me questioning them about this topic, said they were subject to racism or resentment (most don't even speak German). To be frank, I don't say there is no racism in Switzerland, there surely is. Are the Swiss somewhat sceptical about immigration? You bet. But mostly this attitude is constrained to certain people. The Swiss usually don't have problems with fellow Westerners (except maybe with Germans, at least in the Swiss German speaking part). I sense that people from Eastern and Middle Europe, Africa and Latin America have more problems. I don't want to defend the ugly rascism surfacing from time to time, but one also has to state clearly that Switzerland has a huge percentage of foreigners (30% of the population) and therefore is prone to problems associated with this topic. And that certains kinds of other nationalities don't have a super reputation may not entirely be the fault of the Swiss. In certain cases the venomous combination of numbers, lack of integration and opportunity have led to a downward spiral of resentment, making it for neither party, Swiss or foreign resident easy to break out.

    Oh, and about not being self-critical: I don't know any other country that is so keen on making things right and constantly criticse itself, some times to monsterous proportions. What the Swiss generally don't like however, is when someone from outside the country criticises us... in general that leads to some sort of defiance.

    Now, what can you do! I think the idea of getting into touch with a Canadian-Swiss-Group isn't all that bad. Through this you can get into touch with people, share experiences etc. Another thing you can do is try to get involved in some club (sport, reading whatever) or use what possibilities you have in your work place. Probably you won't make any "true and tested" friends instantly, as I said, we sometimes are a bit hesitant, but after a while this can evolve. And don't be put off by the reservation, it's not a sign of contempt, mostly it's a sign of insecurity or shyness. Ah yes, and for the trouble with the Gemeinde... that's a problem I hear of quite often. They are bureaucrats in the end and they are never easy to deal with. But don't let loose.

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