Publisert i Tyskland forum
Many of my foreign friends who live in Germany complain that Germans are very rude - or at least unfriendly.
Obviously, as a German myself I don't really experience us that way. But I would like your opinion: Are we really as cold as some people say????
Hang in there
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
Hi G. M.
Don’t let it get you down.
Chances are it’s not your fault.
You are not alone.
I have heard many of those stories amongst foreigners.
Being refused work and then blamed for it.
Housing can also be very difficult.Every time I encounter rudeness, being put down or am barked at just for being a foreigner by people that don’t even know me, I smile and just remember that Germany is a relatively small country with a bit of a peculiar culture and not the real world and just a part of the big puzzle of humanity.
If they want to live like that, let them.
Be kind even when people are not kind to you.
Don’t let it drag you down but rise above and with that keep your self respect.
But also be never afraid to tell the truth, even if not well received or politically incorrect.You must really love your wife to put yourself through this.
Kudos and much respect for your efforts.
Hang in there Buddy."It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"
- Jiddu KrishnamurtiDaniel
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@Daniel Hollenbeck
Sorry Daniel, friendliness and basic manners are not limited to the USA at all.
I have spent time in many countries including Russia and it’s not even an issue.
This standoffishness and occasional rudeness is pretty unique to the Germany culture.It funny you mention the Poles.
I live in a neighborhood with many Poles and they have been wonderful to me.
Made friends with me from the first day, invite me regularly, watch out for me, made me feel so welcome, helped me with mind numbing bureaucracy and getting along here.
They have adopted me, no kidding and treat me like family.
This has been a huge help and I have grown very fond of them.
No matter what you need, they can get it and don’t make a fuss.
I am really impressed how they help each other out; it’s like a network and try to make life good for each other.
They never “interrogated me with many nosy questions, don’t judge.
Now I am helping some of their kids with English lessons.
And I must say, the kids are so polite and easy going.
In the spring time they’re taking me on a trip to Poland, can’t wait.Just so, my German neighbor seems nice but has never said a full sentence to me.
I tried to make friends but it seams that he prefers me at a distance so I respect that let it be.
But those Poles, they rock, always a smile, fun loving and warm.I am aware that many Germans think that Americans are insincere and also explained to me that you have to have a reason to smile and be nice to people.
Honestly I can’t even grasp that concept and this is the first place on earth I have ever been to where basic friendliness without a specific REASON is considered to be a negative.
That’s just bizarre IMHO, sorry.
In fact, if you need a calculated reason to be friendly and not rude to other people isn’t that insincere?
No wonder many don’t like the Poles, because they sure smile a lot and have one heck of a sense of humor.I hope you don’t mind me saying so but it’s my impression that many here in Germany make life more difficult and complicated for each other than it needs to be.
.....
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@ Oliver H.
Actually you have no idea whether she is lying but accuse her of it just the same.
You do seem very angry at her for sharing her concerns.
If anything she deserves some words of reassurance and support.I spend much time with foreigners in Germany and know first hand that such incidents are not uncommon, neither are they limited to East Germany (also spend some time there).
Moreover most don’t even bother going to the police because this usually doesn’t help and they stand a good chance of being dismissed as liars, adding insult to injury.
Again it’s very different for none whites in Germany unless you’re a tourist.@John
innsent av Slettet bruker i Tyskland forum
There seems to be a misunderstanding of sorts. Thank yous and smiles are used in Germany, but not in the same way they are used in the US of A.
So it is useless to state that this is "just basic social skills", "a simple concept", etc., as if we Germans were a bit dumb, but with some help, eventually we`ll learn how to behave properly (which for you seems to be "Anglo-Saxon").
You will note that the more northerly and easterly you go in Europe, people will smile less often at strangers. You think the Germans are not courteous? Well, try Russia. If you smile too often at strangers there, they will think that you are soft in the head.
But are Russians rude?? No, of course not. They just interact very differently.
Same with Poles. They have, in my experience, very strict rules of public conduct and are (in general) much more formal than Germans. Not rude, but a bit standoffish.But back to the Germans. Yes, we are very, and often brutally, direct. No sugarcoating here. And yes, we are even proud of that.
And it works both ways:
Germans often think that Americans are insincere and that their smiles are fake, just because a positive attitude is the preferred mode of interaction.Much of what has been posted earlier is just a manifestation of classical cultural clash and has nothing to do with Germans, but much with being "Lost in Translation".
....
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@ Oliver H.
Never made any claims of such.
But commented on you advising a foreigner to get out of Germany and accusing her of lying because she voiced a concern and shared her experience. .:))
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@ eject
Please, Thank You and a smile is a simple concept.
Nothing complicated about that. :)@ Oliver H.
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@ Oliver H.
IMHO, it’s very poor form to tell foreigners to leave your country after they have been abused or mistreated.
Adding to that, her story is not uncommon in Germany especially if she is not white and from a third world country.
A friend of mines sister will not leave the house alone after dark unaccompanied for the same reason. They are Turkish.
She was attacked by German youths, tearing of her head scarf and pulling her down by her hair and then urinated on her.basic manners
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@ eject it
I am sorry but" Please and Thank You" are some of the most basic social skills.
Kids learn that from early age.
A smile is universal language of friendship and well meaning all over the world.
It’s how people communicate and interact with each other even if they don’t share the same language.
It’s not just the ‘those anglo saxons’” using your phrase but normal and common in all cultures with Germany being somewhat of an exception (not everybody of course).
According to you rudeness in Germany and being arrogant especially toward foreigners is something to be proud of.
And foreigners being friendly is disturbing.
What exactly is disturbing to you about a person being friendly and kind?
What could possibly be offensive about that?There is much gripe in Germany about the immigrants even 2nd and 3rd generation not adopting the German culture well. Have you ever wondered why?
This is what happens if the host culture is rude and belittling to them. It turns people off and they stick to themselves to avoid the unpleasantness.
Thus it’s a homemade problem and a perfectly normal reaction to the dilemma.
manners
innsent av Slettet bruker i Tyskland forum
At the moment I am in Spain and my roommate said to me, that I have to say my mom that she has done everything right with me. My roommate comes from Peru and said I am very polite and nice. Some Germans are rude some are not rude. In Germany I live in village. I know a lot of people there and say every perso Helle, but in the city not. I do not like stereotypes, I am an nice but not stupid woman. Sorry that you never meet nice people in Germany. But you are in Germany therefore I hope you would be nice and make a better shout for us :)
basic manners
innsent av John Lovejoy i Tyskland forum
@ Gary M.
You speak from the heart and I understand how you feel.
From what I can tell many Germans are not very friendly or helpful to each other either.
Civic responsibility and caring for fellow humans is largely considered to be the responsibility of the state (bureaucrats) only and the result of creeping socialism.
The only other explanation I can come up with for this odd behavior is, if you are raised in Germany (this unfriendly environment) you don’t realize it because it’s normal to you.
You treat other how you where treated.