Posted in Switzerland forum
I've been pondering this for many months now and would really appreciate some honest replies.
Bare with me as I have many questions to ask that I do not dare ask anyone in real life (as they would never give me an honest opinion for fear of offending me).
It seems that in the major cities and in all Anglo countries (it seems) it is completely 'normal' for a white caucasian man to date a non-caucasian woman, a woman of Asian background in my case. I never found this much of a problem back home but here in Geneva I can hardly ever remember seeing any white/European men with Asian women.
I've found that in general, Continental Europeans have less knowledge about Asian people and culture (no matter how well travelled they are) compared to people in Anglo countries (big cities) who grew up with and dealt with this culture and the people.
A good example is the Asian food in Europe. Most Europeans I've met seem have very little knowledge about how many different types of cuisines there are (and what is good quality!) and it's so hard to find good Asian restaurants (and in Geneva ones that don't cost a fortune to eat in). Back home and in London I never had this problem.
Then, on the other hand, I know a lot of couples in/from Paris where the male is Caucasian and the woman is Asian but I rarely see that in this part of of the world (Switzerland).
I should note too that there is a huge difference between an Asian female/person who grew up in Asia vs one who grew up in the west (although most people seem to make an immediate stereotypical opinion of you based simply on how you look).
In my experiences travelling all around Europe I've found that opinions (I'm just talking about men in this case) can fall into 3 categories:
* Positive - They are very open and curious but it can be that they almost put you on a pedestal and 'worship' you...
* Neutral - They are interested but don't care either way.
* Negative - Racist but not openly so. Sure they might even be friends with you but will say things which can be easily construed as being racist (although they think it's funny in an immature way).
I feel that in an Anglo country I can simply be a woman, but to a European man, I'll only ever by 'an Asian woman' if that makes sense.
In the 1.5 years I've been here I'm trying to think of and remember all the couples I've met, and what nationalities they were... and also from hearing things and reading random stuff on the internet...
It seems to me that most Swiss men prefer to date European women and if not, then South American women. My guess is that many South Americans 'look' European, but have a different culture and mentality which men prefer. The same for middle eastern women too.
My preference is for white/caucasian men and I can't change that. It's what I grew up with and what I saw all around me so from a very young age I was only attracted to caucasian men. All my previous boyfriends back home were Caucasian.
As for nationality I don't really have a preference but it seems to me that most expats move away after a while. I'm tired of making friends with someone only to have them move away after a few months. I feel like if I want to make friends or get a boyfriend I should choose someone who's actually going to stay in the country (as I plan to do). So for that reason I would prefer to date a Swiss guy (or French or Italian maybe).. It doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, just that I don't want them to leave the country or feel that I'd have to up and leave in a few months if I want to be with them...
As I said, I've tried to read up on the topic (what little information there is) and when I'm out in public I look at what kind of women men check out (and it's almost always someone who is white Caucasian and looks nothing like me). On the other hand, the guys that DO check me out are rarely white/Caucasian.
I go to as many events as I can and have found that nearly everyone is an expat, and at the same time I tried online dating (mainly to see what was out there) and noticed that nearly everyone on there is Swiss! I find myself wondering why Swiss people never go to these events.. is it because they don't need to? I also know that most of my neighbours live alone and I think I'm pretty correct in my assumption that there are many many single/living alone people in this city.
So my questions are:
1. Are there actually any Swiss (or other nearby countries) men who are interested in Asian women? (I mean for a serious relationship, not just for 'fun') here in GENEVA. If not, am I doomed and should I move cities?
2. Where do I go to meet locals (not just for dating but for friendship too)? When I say locals I don't necessarily mean Swiss but people who've lived here a long time and plan on staying here. I'm not really a bar person.. I've gone to events and spoken to many many people but nothing ever comes out of it.. no friendship, no dates, nothing. Nice conversations and a nice evening and that's it. I speak fluent French so I have no hesitation in having conversations in French either (I bring this up because it seems that many people have problems fitting in because they don't speak the local language).
3. Do you disagree with me (feel free to do so) in my interpretations about what Europeans think about Asians?
posted by in Switzerland forum
To answer your questions:
1. No need to move; there are enough men here that are interested (or at least aren't uninterested) in Asian girls. While this isn't Canada (where Asians represent a very significant proportion of the population, about 10.5%), I believe that Geneva and Zurich are the more international places in Switzerland where the race mix should naturally put you on somebody's mind.
2. That's a tough question even for locals who only wish to find other locals of the same race. Bars are a hit and miss, I wouldn't entirely forgo that option but you can safely ignore the too-loud-to-speak places and places that cater to foreigners (e.g. an American bar). Events are best and many outdoor activities (e.g. barbecues, sports) are starting now with the nice season. It may very well end there, after a nice conversation and evening, but if you really want to meet again then no reason not to ask for his phone number.
3. Sure, Europeans may know less about Asian people and cooking simply because there are very few chances to learn about it. Think about a white-Caucasian traveling/living in China, most likely locals will know nothing about Europe either. As for your classification of opinions, I have come across a few weird cases of "Positive" that based their interest in Asian girls mostly on stereotypes or related activities (e.g. a manga fan who targeted Japanese girls), these are best avoided. By the way, Asians can have stereotypes about white-Caucasians too. As for the "Negative" opinions, it isn't necessarily racism, more likely xenophobia or otherwise a natural anxiety that you, too, may want to go back to your home country someday. You say that you plan to stay, but for how long? If not forever, any serious guy may be seriously put off (pun unintended).
For the purpose of credentials and full disclosure: I consider myself not an expert, yet much more knowledgeable on the topic than the average in Switzerland. In your own classification, I would be "Neutral". I have had one Asian girlfriend in Switzerland many years ago, and that happened totally by chance (meaning, I never thought about or especially cared for Asians before).
posted by in Switzerland forum
just a super quick comment, as i don't have a lot of time. I am a Caucasian expat married to Swiss guy, but there are so many Swiss men in my region (Aargau), who are married to Thai women. I'm not sure if they go to Thailand and bring them back, but it seems the Thai mail order bride stereotype is becoming increasingly evident here. So I do in fact see many asian women married to (Caucasian) swiss guys, and of course you can't tell by looking at them what their background story is, if they do fall into this stereotype of otherwise.
But I guess my point is that there are some Swiss men who are interested in Asian women, or at least women who are willing to follow a more traditional role.
However, are you so sure you really want a Swiss guy? Just saying, and I learnt the hard way.