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    German man can change

    posted by  Tegi Gongju in Germany forum 

    I just couldn't stop smiling reading your post. So funny and so glad that my German friend fit the description - almost entirely...but 6 months ago. I'm about as honest about my disapprovals of his behavior as he is about mine. I told him that in this country it is common curtesy for men to hold doors for women and never tell a woman that she's too chatty.
    He got it! He still forgets to wait for me walking in the city - he's often an entire block ahead of me. I had to call him on the cell phone to wait when I got stuck at a red light and he just kept walking. But he tries to remember to hold the door and order food or drinks for me. He tells me that he likes my shoes (even the ones that slow me down). I think he appreciates that I am telling him about our cultural differences. He admitted also the other day that - although he might not chat too much - he likes listening to my chatty stories. : )
    He's honest but learning not to be too brutally honest. Knowing when certain things are better left unsaid. it's not worth seeing me tearing through in a total rage. I think that he's changing for me. I think that's so sweet. He thinks about how i will react and will do things to get me to smile ... haven't gotten to the full all out laughter yet. We'll get there.
    One thing I realize though - can't speak for all German men but just this one - I have to be careful what I say and how I touch him. A shove is too aggressive - for example. Touching his hair is out of the question - too forward. Making fun of his looks can really kill the moment - even when it's just teasing. I stopped teasing. he doesn't want to be thought as looking silly or ridiculous or the worst yet - stupid.
    We're taking things slowly. We're getting to know each other first and learning to respect each other's differences and boundaries. Do I know how he cares for me? Absolutely. Is he going to do something about it? No way. Not until...I say very clearly and honestly that I feel the same too. He doesn't mean to be romantic but this has been quite an experience for me.

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